Dealing with Problematic People

I have found this article very interesting:

We have to bear the responsibility for most of the problems we face in life, but it'd be foolish to believe that other people are not the occasional causes of them.

Take for example the driver who cuts unexpectedly into your lane. Or a petulant child who just won't listen to reason. What about the colleague who seems to have a bone to pick with you even though you've given him no reason to do so?

We can't please everyone and certainly there will be people who will dislike you for inscrutable reasons. Or people who want to get under your skin just because they can. So what can we do about these people?

First of all, remember that if someone is getting on your nerves, chances are that they do want to upset you or simply don't care how you feel. So anger is not an option. Why punish yourself for someone else's carelessness or malice?

So if that person is not putting you or anyone else in danger, learn to laugh at the situation. Maybe even joke with him about it. If that person's intent was to make you angry, he would've failed, and if his expectation was that you would react aggressively, he would be surprised. He might even become your ally because he admires your attitude.

Second, most so-called "problematic" people are just yearning for attention, or crying out for help. This is their way of paying back the world for how they think the world is making them feel. If you react negatively, you are giving them what they want.

So, surprise them. Speak gently to them. Listen to them. Even give them small favours. You have nothing to lose, and you may have defused a human time-bomb in the process.

In dealing with problematic people, it's important not to perceive them in the conventional way - that they are disruptive elements that should be attacked or removed. This is the common reaction they get and exactly the kind of attention they want.

Instead of focusing on their negative behaviour, look for the things they do well. Maybe the guy who makes jokes about you also tends to work late at the office, paying attention to the finer details. Buy him supper! Talk to him about his work, his late-night work habits, his interests.

People like talking about the things they're proud of. He'll start opening up. He'll stop seeing you as a thorn in his side.

Certainly your job is not making friends out of enemies, but if you could, why not? It'll make life a whole lot easier.

You can't control how others behave, but you can control how you react to them.